My week started at a 10/10 pain on Monday and is ending with 3/10 pain today, so I’d say it’s been a great week for my surgery recovery! My best friend of 26 years (aka chosen sister) came for a visit last weekend. It was so fun hanging at the apartment together and also exploring NYC for her first time! We got pizza in the neighborhood on Friday night, and hit up the Banksy Museum on Saturday and the Museum of Modern Art on Sunday.
It was 4 degrees for most of the time we were out, so I’m very grateful she braved the weather with me! 🥶
The Brooklyn Bridge behind me 😍Brunch pizza in front of me 😍
We also ate some delicious food my brother and sister-in-law prepared while watching the Winter Olympics and Super Bowl. ⛸️ 🏈
I got around the city really well with my cane over the weekend, but had to stay in bed most of Monday to recover. I had PT on Tuesday and Thursday, and I’m happy to report the sessions are a full hour and really helpful! My physical therapist has a cervical spinal fusion, and it helps to know she gets it on a personal level. She applies a heating pad for 20 minutes and then massages the area where most of my pain is (left lumbar). Next, I do a few core-strengthening Pilates exercises on the table, at the barre, and on the reformer. I have 4 more sessions to go (insurance only approved 6). It definitely helps to be moving more and feeling stronger. 💪🏼
On Friday, I was able to make it to the Upper East Side to visit another chosen family member for a meal and a musical. 🎶
I’m now walking the dogs by myself (one at a time), and I can see all the work the trainer did with them paying off. Bella and Rex celebrated Valentine’s Day at daycare yesterday and with me today. I couldn’t ask for cuter valentines. 💘
My surgeon ordered a bone growth stimulator which arrived today. I wear it for one 2-hour session each day for the next 6+ months. 😬
It sends low-level pulsed electromagnetic fields (PEMF) that mimic the body’s natural electrical signals to increase blood supply to the fusion site. This stimulates bone cells called osteoblasts 🚀 that help bone grow over the hardware (fusion).
It feels great to have my practice open again and I am thrilled to be resuming work with several clients. I got a new lumbar chair support so I’m ready for sessions, and #bonus- it doubles as a toy for Kaa.
I am on the other side of my spinal fusion surgery and officially re-opening my practice as of today, February 2, 2026! To give me time to ease back in slowly, I’m taking February to work mostly administratively- informing former clients I’m re-opening, determining who is interested in resuming therapy, working out a regular schedule, etc. I plan to open my availability for chat sessions on BetterHelp on February 9. I plan to open my availability for video sessions through my patient portal on March 2nd.
For my former clients reading this, there is absolutely no pressure to return to therapy with me. My goal is always to support you in doing what is best for you, even if that means continuing to work with someone else or going it alone. There is also no need to worry that if you don’t return now, you’ll lose a spot to a new client. There will always be room for you on my caseload to meet at whatever frequency is right for you, and I will always welcome you back excitedly! The only exceptions would be if I determined it would not be appropriate due to safety, clinical, or ethical reasons, and I would of course discuss those with you directly.
If you have any questions or concerns about my practice re-opening or resuming therapy, please reach out! My contact info is below. I’m so excited to get back to work!
Like all trauma recovery, surgery recovery is not linear. My back pain has returned to an 8/10 the past week, which has had me pretty down. At my 6-week follow-up with my surgeon on Friday, x-rays showed my hardware’s still in place and many of my restrictions were lifted. My surgeon said my incisions have healed well and the scars look great. She said the pain in my feet is likely the nerves still adjusting to their new position. She suggested I put lidocaine patches on the tops of my feet, since that is where the burning and shooting pain is localized when I point and flex my feet. She added Tramadol as a step-down from Oxycodone, and said starting outpatient physical therapy should help reduce the pain. It doesn’t look like I’ll be able to resume working with my Schroth PT just yet, so I’ll have to find a new PT for now. I took the subway home from the appointment and was able to navigate that pretty well with my cane and bag. I’ve been able to tolerate sitting for longer periods of time, though I still find I need to lay flat on my ice pack to manage pain throughout the day. I’m cleared to use a heating pad and take baths again, so hopefully that will help, too. My hip pain is still at a 0, so I am very happy about that. My next follow-up with the surgeon will be May 1st.
More good news- my repeat CT scan showed the blood clot in my lung has resolved. My cardiologist recommended I stay on the blood thinner for the full 3 months and follow up with a pulmonologist, just to be safe. He reviewed the heart rate data from my Oura ring and talked with me about my recent stressors. He said the rises are consistent with anxiety and ordered a Holter monitor, which takes continuous ECG readings for several days, to confirm. I also had a telehealth visit with a Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner (PMHNP) to review my psychiatric medications. She put me back on Vistaril for anxiety since I can’t take Xanax with my pain medications.
Speaking of anti-anxiety medication, the vet increased Rex’s Prozac. He still bit the trainer (for the second time), so we are using treats to condition him to wear this lovely muzzle.
It’s giving Hannibal Lector, Silence of the Lambchop
We also had a family session where Ryan and Aubrie practiced using the “consent cue” that the trainer developed with Rex during his “boot camp” last summer. We reach out a hooked finger to Rex and wait for him to bow or step forward and touch us, which lets us know it’s okay to touch him. Y’all know how I love consent! Rex is still going to daycare about once a week, and he got a glowing report card last Friday. Progress over perfection!
I never have to worry about Bella!
In other news, we got about a foot of snow last Sunday!
🐾❄️Kaa stays cozy under my heated blanket 🐍As far as they wanted to walk Monday 😂We had a longer walk on Tuesday!#bootswiththefur
I am on track to re-open my psychotherapy practice tomorrow as planned! I’ll begin responding to emails and taking care of other administrative tasks over the next 4 weeks, and should have my full availability open for scheduling by March 2nd. I’ve loved reading all the messages I’ve received while my practice has been closed, and I’m very excited to get back to work! I am curious to explore how this experience (closing my practice to have surgery and blogging about the surgery) impacts the therapy process on both sides.
I plan to continue posting on my blog regularly because I believe that surgery, like all trauma, is not something you get over, but something you move through. I’ll continue to share about how I’m moving through my traumas in hopes it helps my readers, whether you know me as a therapist or otherwise, move through yours. Thank you for being here.
My recovery is still going well! My back pain is down to a 1/10 most of the time without any medication, and my hips don’t hurt at all. My nerve pain has reduced to just my feet, and the quality of it is different, which hopefully means my nerves are almost fully healed. My only concern is that my heart rate hasn’t decreased since leaving the hospital. My primary care doctor re-ordered a CT scan to see if the clot in my lung is dissolving or not, and that is scheduled for tomorrow.
My sleep is still sporadic, and I still get fatigued easily caring for myself and my pets. Rex has had some trouble adjusting to me not being able to pick him up and walk him myself, which he is unfortunately expressing by biting. I’m working with a dog trainer to help both Rex and Bella behave better when walked by others. Emotionally, I feel grateful and hopeful.
Provided everything looks as expected at my 6-week follow-up appointment with my surgeon next Friday, I’m on track to re-open my practice on February 2nd. 🥳 I’ll post a formal announcement at that time.
A friend gifted me this Amaryllis while I was in the hospital, saying, “It will grow along with you as you recover.” 🥹And it bloomed! ☺️
At my 2-week post-op visit last Friday, my surgeon was impressed with my mobility and said both the front and back incisions are healing well. She prescribed a 7-day course of Prednisone to help with the nerve pain, and between that and the Gabapentin, the pain in my legs is now more of a dull cramping and aching than an intense burning and tingling. I’ve been able to sleep 6+ hours most nights this week, and I’m down to only taking Oxycodone if I wake up in pain in the night. I do still get fatigued easily, and the days go by quickly when you have to rest so much! But I am feeling great about my progress! I am happy I had the much smaller fusion because while it didn’t correct my scoliosis, I believe it corrected the issue that was causing my most debilitating pain with a much easier and quicker recovery. 🤗
At my 6-week post-op appointment on 1/30/26, I’ll get a new set of X-rays to see how the fusion is healing and how my alignment may have shifted. I should be cleared to resume riding public transportation at that time, and to sit for 45+ minutes. I was discharged from at-home PT yesterday. My instructions are to keep walking and doing upper-body exercises until I’m cleared at my 6-week post-op appointment to start outpatient PT. For our last session, we walked to the subway and up and down the steps, so #goalmet. 🙌🏼
Yesterday afternoon, Bella and Rex had a dog training session during which we walked 2.5 blocks and back. We passed by Ethan Hawke! 😍🥰✨ I’ve mentioned he lives in the neighborhood before, but this was my first time actually seeing him. He was on the phone (not the Black Phone), so we didn’t interact. I have had some dangerous encounters here that have made me fearful of walking alone outside, especially now that I am even more physically vulnerable, so I decided to parlay this casual crossing with one of my favorite actors as a corrective experience and use it as motivation. This morning, I walked 3 blocks and back by myself! 🖤
My brother and sister-in-law returned to their offices on Monday, so I’ve been on my own during the day. I’m scheduling friends to come visit and walk with me (and the dogs) each day, which would not be possible if I hadn’t had the time and energy to put into building social support here over several months before surgery. This reminds me of some moments in therapy journeys when a client may think they waited too long to make a move, felt a relationship was wasted time, regretted a decision, or otherwise felt put behind, only to discover that they are actually right on time, right where they need to be. This simply couldn’t have happened any other way. 🔮
For my former clients, here is my return to work plan! 🥁
My surgeon’s recommendation was to return to work at week 12, which would be March 9th, 2026. I plan to reopen my practice on February 2nd to give me time to ease back in slowly. I’m going to take February to work mostly administratively- notifying all my former clients that my practice is reopened, determine who is interested in resuming therapy, working out a regular schedule, etc. During that time, I’ll offer the same free 15-minute consultation phone call I offer to prospective clients to all my former clients. That way everyone has an opportunity to connect with me on the phone, free of charge, to briefly discuss how things have been going for you while my practice has been closed and whether returning to therapy with me is the right move for you. If you’d rather just respond to my email and then jump right back in, that’s ok too! There is also absolutely no pressure to return- my goal is always to support you in doing what is best for you, even if that means continuing to work with someone else or going it alone.
I plan to open my availability for chat sessions on BetterHelp in February, then begin opening my availability for video sessions through my patient portal on March 2nd. There is no need to worry that if you don’t return in March, you’ll lose a spot to a new client. Once I reopen, there will always be room for you on my caseload to meet at whatever frequency is right for you. I will always welcome you back excitedly! The only exceptions would be if I determined it would not be appropriate due to safety, clinical, or ethical reasons, and I would of course discuss those with you directly.
My fees and policies will remain the same, but I’ll have everyone review and sign new Informed Consent agreements before resuming therapy. If you have any questions or concerns about this plan, feel free to email me. I’ll begin responding to emails and holding consultation calls starting February 2nd!
I hope you are all taking great care of yourselves, and happy Carnival to all who celebrate! 💜💚💛
I’ve been moving through my milestones in PT quickly. I’ve transitioned from a walker to a cane (it’s leopard print, of course), and I get to use it for some of my upper body PT exercises, too.
🪄🐆
I’ve been walking up and down the apartment stairs since last Friday, and this morning I walked outside for the first time- half a block and back. My next goal is to walk down the block, down the stairs to the subway, and back again. My biggest concern is other people on the streets, but hopefully when they see my (b*tchin’) cane, they’ll go around me with care.
Most days, my pain is well-controlled with the muscle relaxer and pain killer. Each day I see how movement truly is medicine, too. My nights are still really hard. I wake up every 2 -3 hours with severe burning pain in my legs, with numbness and tingling worse on the left. I’m told this is the nerves healing from being moved and irritated in the surgery, and it should go away in the next few months. In the meantime, I’ve re-started Gabapentin (hopefully just temporarily, since I did not like the side effects when I was on it before) and bought some crazy compression-massage booties that make me feel like I’m training for a mission to Mars.
Yes, that’s Rex’s face on my pants! One of many great gifts from my amazing friends!
All the pets are doing well, too. I was worried about not being able to handle Kaa given I can’t bend, lift, or twist, but Ryan carries him over to me and he just lays and snuggles with me. Like mine, his spine is still misshapen and compromised, but he seems adjusted to it and not in pain. #goals
Watching Zootopia 2, featuring Gary de Snake
Bella enjoyed the storm that brought 4 inches of snow last week.
Rex enjoyed staying inside.
Yes, these pants have Bella’s face on them!
As 2025 comes to a close, I share Mariah’s sentiments:
But I do like the idea of deciding for ourselves what we’re leaving behind this year. Set that sh*t down. As for me, I am leaving behind the stress of deciding about surgery, second guessing my choices, and imagining all possible outcomes of surgery. I’m happy to set all that down and be on the other side of it. Now I’m excited to enter 2026 in this bionic body, and to meet each moment as it comes.
I’m a week out from surgery, and recovering strongly! Walking with the walker gets easier every day. My legs still feel like they are not totally awake, and I have cramping in my calves and thighs that is a challenge to control. Hopefully that will go away as the nerves heal. I’m no longer feeling tightness in my hip flexors or the pinched nerve pain in my low back. I’m taking medication to manage the pain, as well as blood thinners to break up the clot in my lung. This Monday was the first day my pain didn’t hit 10, and I spent most of the day at 3. Today my pain got down to 1!
For the next 3 weeks I have occupational therapy, physical therapy, and nursing visits in the home. The occupational therapist already cleared me to do all my activities of daily living myself (with tools), and the physical therapist plans to transition me from a walker to a cane next week. My first post-op appointment with my surgeon will be on January 2, so after that I’ll be able to decide on a date to reopen my practice!
My brother and sister-in-law have been super helpful caring for my pets and me. Ryan fed Kaa for the first time last night, and I think he enjoyed that! 🐍 Aubrie gave Bella a nice long brush tonight, and I know she loved that! 🐶 Rex seems quite content snuggling with me in the bed amongst all my various pillows.
I’ve been getting lots of exercise prancing back and forth through the hall like a reindeer, so that’s festive. 🦌 I’ve been balancing that with lots of rest and watching all my favorite holiday movies.
Watching Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Everything does take 3 times longer to accomplish. Case in point, I started writing this post on Monday. 😬 But that’s ok! I’m on my way to feeling more safe and supported in my body, and I so appreciate you all being part of this journey.
I hope you’re finding warmth, joy, and rest this week, too.
Here’s what my lumbar spine and pelvis look like with my new hardware.
My surgeon did have to place screws into the ilium. She discovered that the pedicle bone on the left of my L5 was missing (part of the congenital deformity that made the vertebrae wedge-shaped), so she wasn’t able to place a pedicle screw there. She said she had never seen that in her career, so she was fascinated by it. She also explained how that is likely what caused my scoliosis- she said it’s like if 4 people are carrying a couch and 1 person stops, the couch will fall.
Other than that, the surgery went as expected. I’m feeling relieved that I made the right decision with this surgery, and hopeful that after this fusion heals, I can correct or at least maintain my scoliotic curves non-operatively.
I was discharged from the hospital today, and Ryan and I are anxiously awaiting the wheelchair transfer so we can go home. I did develop a pulmonary emboli (small blood clot) in my right lung after the surgery that was caught on a CT scan. So I’m on a blood thinner that should dissolve it in 3-6 months. Other than that, my recovery is going as expected. Physical therapy had me up and walking with a walker on day 2 (Tuesday), and climbing stairs on day 3 (Wednesday). Over Wednesday night I had a fever and high heart rate which was what indicated the possible blood clot, so day 4 (Thursday) was spent doing several tests to find it and make sure there was no damage to my heart. My brother and many friends visited me at the hospital, which brightened my recovery so much! I also lucked out with a hospital room with a great view of the East River.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, and I’ll post again soon!
Surgery is scheduled for today, December 15, 8am-2pm EST. At our pre-op visit, my surgeon reviewed my most recent MRI and an EMG and said they confirm a pinched nerve at L5 due to stenosis at L4-S1. She also said it is worse than my MRI last October showed. She said she wants to proceed with the plan of A-P L4-ilium fusion. I was taken aback to hear “ilium,” because my understanding was that I wouldn’t need the pelvic fixation screws with this smaller fusion. Dr. Fischer explained that it would be a judgement call she would have to make during surgery, after placing the screws into my sacrum. If the screws in the sacrum aren’t strong enough to create enough stability, I risk breaking rods or loosening screws and needing additional surgery. I had some concern that having screws through my sacroiliac joints could create new pain, like sciatica. She assured me that risk was low, and certainly lower than the risk involved if I were to need a revision surgery.
Here’s an illustration of the L4-S1 fusion with pelvic fixation.
I reached out to my other providers with this update, since I had weighed all my options and opinions thinking this route avoided losing all pelvic mobility. My sports medicine doctor at the Harkness Center for Dance Injuries said she did not think pelvic fixation would significantly impact my mobility, given that the SI joint is not intended to move much anyway. She reassured me I would likely retain all my hip mobility, and aside from movements like arabesque derrier, I wouldn’t see much difference in dance.
Speaking of dance, this past Thursday a friend and I saw Alvin Ailey Dance Theater at City Center. The final piece of this performance, Grace, featured dancers in red and white. They reminded me of blood cells, and I think this will be a cool image to take into surgery with me. ❤️🤍
The next night, another scoli-dancer-friend and I saw Nutcracker Rouge, by Company XIV, which was a fabulously entertaining burlesque show. We purchased standing room tickets and were upgraded to a VIP loveseat, so our backs were grateful for that!
Yesterday, we had our first snowfall of the year in NYC. Rex is not a fan, but he looks adorable in his snow boots.
As my brother and I ride in an Uber to NYU Langone Hospital, I am feeling anxious but grounded. As I’ve often told my therapy clients, this anxiety does not mean something bad is about to happen; it means something important is about to happen. My therapist helped me visualize today going well, and I’ve been listening to recordings we made of the narrative I wrote. I trust my surgery team to do their jobs with care, precision, and ease.
Thank you all for the messages of support and encouragement! I will post another message here once I am out of surgery!
Renée Gaubert, LCSW 
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