Surgery is scheduled for today, December 15, 8am-2pm EST. At our pre-op visit, my surgeon reviewed my most recent MRI and an EMG and said they confirm a pinched nerve at L5 due to stenosis at L4-S1. She also said it is worse than my MRI last October showed. She said she wants to proceed with the plan of A-P L4-ilium fusion. I was taken aback to hear “ilium,” because my understanding was that I wouldn’t need the pelvic fixation screws with this smaller fusion. Dr. Fischer explained that it would be a judgement call she would have to make during surgery, after placing the screws into my sacrum. If the screws in the sacrum aren’t strong enough to create enough stability, I risk breaking rods or loosening screws and needing additional surgery. I had some concern that having screws through my sacroiliac joints could create new pain, like sciatica. She assured me that risk was low, and certainly lower than the risk involved if I were to need a revision surgery.
I reached out to my other providers with this update, since I had weighed all my options and opinions thinking this route avoided losing all pelvic mobility. My sports medicine doctor at the Harkness Center for Dance Injuries said she did not think pelvic fixation would significantly impact my mobility, given that the SI joint is not intended to move much anyway. She reassured me I would likely retain all my hip mobility, and aside from movements like arabesque derrier, I wouldn’t see much difference in dance.
Speaking of dance, this past Thursday a friend and I saw Alvin Ailey Dance Theater at City Center. The final piece of this performance, Grace, featured dancers in red and white. They reminded me of blood cells, and I think this will be a cool image to take into surgery with me. ❤️🤍
The next night, another scoli-dancer-friend and I saw Nutcracker Rouge, by Company XIV, which was a fabulously entertaining burlesque show. We purchased standing room tickets and were upgraded to a VIP loveseat, so our backs were grateful for that!
Yesterday, we had our first snowfall of the year in NYC. Rex is not a fan, but he looks adorable in his snow boots.
As my brother and I ride in an Uber to NYU Langone Hospital, I am feeling anxious but grounded. As I’ve often told my therapy clients, this anxiety does not mean something bad is about to happen; it means something important is about to happen. My therapist helped me visualize today going well, and I’ve been listening to recordings we made of the narrative I wrote. I trust my surgery team to do their jobs with care, precision, and ease.
Thank you all for the messages of support and encouragement! I will post another message here once I am out of surgery!
All the love,
Renée
Renée Gaubert, LCSW 
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